FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
