can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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