she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
