I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize