I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
