Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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