Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize