i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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