I'd wear matching sweaters with you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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