Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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