your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
