I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
two words...techno handjob
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
