whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
