Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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