I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
