At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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