I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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