I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize