sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
