Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
