p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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