I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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