please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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