You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
