too bad you live with your parents still
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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