is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
