i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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