I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
