i wish there were pregnant emoticons
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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