My liver just broke up with me...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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