id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Michael Bay diarrhea
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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