My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
