I think i peed on brittanys purse
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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