Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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