He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
