So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
