Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I puked a lego.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
