Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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