dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
