He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
