Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
