I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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