He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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