My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
