# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
