Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize