i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
