Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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