Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
