omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
