I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
