Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize