so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
