I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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