bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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