I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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