I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
