I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
