I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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