the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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