My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
