im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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