Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
