Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
