just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
