cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
