think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
