How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
