how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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