I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
