Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize