I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
