next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she smelled like a LAN party
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize