Cold hands, warm shart.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
