I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
