I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
