maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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