did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she smelled like a LAN party
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize