Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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