Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
