ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
