just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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