The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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