it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
