I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I could fuck to npr.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
