spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
