May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
