How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
