nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
