I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
