If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
