this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
