they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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