I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
In America we eat man semen.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize