dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
