1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
