swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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