All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
