I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
