high people should be assigned attendants
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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