So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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