Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
