fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
