I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
