Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
