Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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