This house was built for laser tag.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
