My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
