i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
