also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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