Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
