oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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