My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The adults are the big ones right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
