Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
