matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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