The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
