No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
