I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
