When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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