he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
