We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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