one two three fourrrrnication!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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