I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
