I cannot find my penis.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
