Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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