I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
