i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
