The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
