i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
