every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
